


The rest of the world could disappear and I wouldn't care

by fire_breathing_bitch_queen



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: AU, Angst, Bullying, Eventual Happy Ending, M/M, Misunderstandings, No Werewolves, Pining, derek hale is the same age, highschool, non-canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-09
Updated: 2016-06-30
Packaged: 2018-05-25 18:09:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6205405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fire_breathing_bitch_queen/pseuds/fire_breathing_bitch_queen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stiles doesn't mind being a misfit, because he has Scott there with him. But when Scott starts dating Allison, Stiles starts to feel very alone. Sure, Allison's group of friends (Lydia, Jackson, Derek and the other star members of the lacrosse team) have to tolerate him now, but when he's at the cool table he feels more of an outcast than ever. Stiles starts to withdraw into himself and the rest of the world doesn't seem to notice. The rest of the world, apart from one Derek Hale who has always noticed Stiles, right from their first awkward encounter in the library. But will Derek be able to make Stiles realise that the world is better with him in it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Stiles had never minded being an outsider. Right from when he was a kid he had never quite fit in. He’d always been too excitable, too interested in everything around him, and he’d normally rattle breathlessly through pages of facts to whoever was nearest him about anything from marsupials found in Australia to marriage practises in Artic communities. When his mum had died he seemed to become more odd in the other children’s eyes, he’d turn up to school with the cold remains of last night’s takeout for lunch, because his dad had forgotten to get bread or given Stiles money for the cafeteria before he rushed out to work. Stiles still remembered when he’d had to do sports day when he was 7 in an old Star Wars pyjama top because his dad had forgotten to wash his sports kit. 

But he’d grown used to the sniggering and the muttered comments, he had stopped reciting facts to anyone who'd listen and instead he had turned to reading. He read anything, fiction, poetry, non fiction, graphic novels. He always had some old paperback in his bag at school so when everyone one else was relaxing and chatting, he’d have something to do. Then Scott had moved to town. It was the first day of Middle School, and Stiles had been walking through the corridors trying to find his French classroom. He’d come face to face with a kid called Jackson, who was in the year above but had always picked on Stiles before he’d moved up to Middle School. 

“Guys its mole face!” 

Stiles felt his face burn. The group of boys around Jackson laughed.

“Naw little mole face is blushing” sing-songed Jackson “don’t worry moley, I’ll cool you down” and before stiles knew it Jackson had squeezed his water bottle and had squirted water all over Stiles’ crotch. 

“Sorry moley, I slipped” Jackson sneered. His gang pointed at Stiles’ pants and sniggered. 

Stiles turned and ran, trying not to let the tears fall from his burning eyes and hurled himself into the nearest bathroom. He was trying to dry his pants using the hand dryer when the door had opened and a small dark haired tanned boy had come in. 

Stiles started to blush again, but the boy scuffed his shoe on the floor before looking up at Stiles with warm dark eyes and told him that he thought those boys were mean and his mum and told them when they’d moved here that he shouldn’t make friends with mean boys. He looked down at his shoes again shyly. Stiles had cocked his head to the side and considered the small boy. He was wearing a red spiderman tee shirt. Stiles grinned and said “you should be my friend, I’m nice, Mrs Darrow from down the road says so” Scott looked up again and smiled hesitantly. “I’m sorry that they called you Moley, my mum says that each freckle and mole is a kiss from the sun, and you have lots so it must be the sun must like you a lot”. Stiles immediately launched into a story he’d read about this woman who’d murdered her husband by swapping his sun cream with cooking oil and he’d literally been fried alive and did the boy think that the guy would have smelt like fried bacon, and did the boy like bacon, and if he did Stiles knew the best place to get bacon and maple syrup pancakes in the whole of beacon hills and Stiles had had bacon and maple syrup pancakes in three diners and a cafe to find out where the best place was so he could prove that it was true. And that was that, Stiles and Scott had become best friends. 

 

They’d got through Middle School together on in-jokes, bad action movies and Mama McCall’s amazing chocolate chip cookies. Stiles was sure that High School would be the same- the people would either just ignore him or would be flat out rude, he’d be hopelessly bored and under-stretched in lessons, and he and Scott would make it all bearable with their stupid dares and daydreaming. 

The first week had been uneventful (unless you counted the home economics class, which Stiles did not ). It was Friday and he was waiting in the library for Scott to finish for the day because he was “no longer welcome” in Miss Prist’s classroom. That was what his tutor had told him the next day anyway, Miss Prist had actually screamed that he was a psychopath and a head case and should be sent to a school for the criminally insane. Stiles thought it was a slight over reaction for accidentally blowing up one of the ovens but he wasn’t going to complain about the twos extra frees he got a week. 

The library was virtually empty, either everyone was in their last class or they'd already gone home because who’d want to stay longer than necessary on a Friday? The only other people apart from Stiles were a librarian and a dark haired guy sitting with his back to Stiles at a table. It had been a week and Stiles hadn’t really made any new friends. Stiles loved meeting new people but everyone he’d approached so far or even just smiled at had pointedly started talking to the person standing or sitting next to them or had turned away. Stiles thought that this guy might be glad of some company, he’d been there since Stile had come in half an hour ago, and besides maybe he didn’t have many friends either, why would anyone other than a nerd be in the library on a friday afternoon?

As soon as he sat down at the guys’ table he knew he’d made a huge mistake. He’d expected another shy Scott, or awkwardly hyper version of himself, another outcast to turn their duo into the three musketeers. This guy plainly wasn't a nerd. His hoodie had hidden his physique from Stiles when he was standing behind him, but from the front he could tell the stranger had broad shoulders and his forearms which were resting on the table looked toned and powerful. He was wearing a green-grey teeshirt that was stretched tight across his chest, and there was a hint of dark chest hair visible at the v-neck. The guy had obviously shaved but there was still a shadow of dark stubble that made his cheekbones stand out even more. And his eyes (which were widened in confusion) were a green that made Stiles think of all the herbs his mum had grown in the corner of their garden. His eyes were framed by thick lashes and above these, the most impressive pair of eyebrows Stiles had ever seen. Eyebrows which were now furrowed in a kind of ‘what the hell are you doing’ type way. 

“I’m sorry” Stiles started to babble “I didn’t know you were sitting here, I mean I know you are sitting here” Stiles mentally face-palmed “I just didn’t know it was you, do you know what I mean?”  
Impossibly the guys eyebrows managed to furrow even deeper “ I just didn’t expect it to be you, I thought it was someone else” the guy, or Adonis- Stiles thought it would be fair to say, continued to stare at him. 

“I should probably go, sorry to disturb your reading” as he made to stand up Stiles caught sight of the book in the Adonis’ hand. “Ooh the Bloody Chamber. Do you like Angela Carter? Some of her stories are properly messed up but then I guess all fairy tales actually were before they got all Disneyfied. Did you know that in the original Sleeping Beauty she gets a splinter in her finger which makes her fall asleep, and this random king finds her and rapes her while she’s still asleep and then she gives births to twins and one of them sucks the splinter out and she wakes up, so the king burns his wife alive and he gets together with Sleeping Beauty? Thats frickin weird right?”

The guy had now quirked his eyebrows up, looking adorably bewildered in Stiles’ opinion. 

“I like the wolf stories, do you? Not the one where little red riding hood chops off the wolves paw and when she gets to her grandma’s she’s lying in bed with an infected wound because her hands been lopped off. I like the one where she ends up living with the wolf in the grandma’s cottage. Oh sorry have you read that bit yet?”

The eyebrows just get imperceptibly higher.

“I’m sorry if I’ve ruined it for you! I always do this! Have you seen that film with Nicole Kidman in it where she thinks there are ghosts in her house but actually she’s a ghost and the other people are alive? I accidentally told my dad the twist right at the beginning. Oh no, I’ve told you too.”

Miraculously the guy spoke. 

“Don’t worry” he mumbled “I’ve finished the book. I just have to reread it for my Lit class”

“You’re doing Angela Carter in Lit?” asked Stiles “I’m so jealous, we’re doing To Kill A Mockingbird again, I like the book but we’ve done it every year since I was 11! I think I could probably recite whole chapters by heart!”

“I did Lee last year” the boy spoke quietly, Stiles would have said he was shy if he wasn’t so unfairly attractive. People that gorgeous don’t get shy. 

“You’re only a Sophomore. You look older. Do lots of people tell you you look older? Unless you are older. If you resat a year I’m not judging you.”

The Guys lips quirked into a tiny smile “yes they do, and no I’m not”

Stiles was just about to tell the guy that he wished he looked older, but it would probably make no difference because he was the sheriffs son so he still wouldn’t be allowed to do any more than he was at the moment, when a voice behind him drawled “Derek is this kid bothering you?”

Jackson swaggered up and stood next to the boy’s chair “ What are you doing Stiles?” and without waiting for a reply “Don’t worry Hale, I know he’s a freak but I’m 80% sure its not contagious” Just the Scott came through the library doors and looked around 

“well” said Jackson “50% sure at least.”

Stiles suddenly felt incredibly stupid. He should have just got up and left when he’d seen the guys face, scratch that, he shouldn’t have even approached a stranger in the library to start with. This poor, unfairly beautiful, guy was just trying to read his book, he didn't need awkward gangly Stiles telling him his life story and rabbiting on about Fairy tales. 

Stiles stood up. 

“There we go” Jackson sneered “maybe its not quite as stupid as it looks”. 

Then something really odd happened. 

“Stop it Whittemore” the guy said,Stiles and Jackson both stared at him. “Just leave the poor guy alone.”

“You’re probably right Hale, it’s so easy it’s just cruel” Jackson got his car keys out his pocket “you ready to head off?” Stiles had been dismissed.

He walked off quickly before either of the guys could say anything else to him. He jogged up to Scott, who opened his mouth to ask why Stiles had been talking to Jackson, but Stiles grabbed his arm and steered him out the library. That guy (Hale, maybe Derek Hale or something?) had made Stiles feel more embarrassed, he hated that he’d seen Stiles as so pathetic that he’d had to stand up for him. Stiles thought it was best for everyone if he stopped trying to make friends.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is not very angsty, just introducing the whole Allison/ Scott thing. There is a little Derek/ Stiles though :)

Things change when Allison Argent moves to town. Scott inevitably falls for the raven haired beauty, with dimples to rival his own. Allison was stunning, so straight away she was initiated into the ‘it crowd’, Lydia from Stile’s year, and her boyfriend Jackson from the year above, and all the other Lacrosse players. 

Stiles didn’t mind Scott pining over Allison. Stiles thought his buddy was great, thought Scott was the absolute greatest, but he was used to his shallow cohorts ignoring Scott’s increasingly toned physique, crooked smile and crinkly eyes. Stiles guessed that all they saw was himself, the geeky sidekick, and they wrote Scott off.

Allison seems to really Scott though. Lydia tries to put her off of course, but this just seems to encourage Allison. Lydia seemed to think that if her best friend wouldn’t date someone suitable, she had to make the person she chose to date suitable, so Lydia lifts Scott from his relative obscurity and makes him cool.Somehow (Stiles knows he shouldn’t be surprised at Lydia’s abilities but can't help be a little scared that she even has control over the PE department) Scott makes the starting team. He had been practising all summer, so he was good, but Coach Finstock tended to uses juniors like those goats they use in jurassic park, to get the proper monsters to come out and play. They were somewhat like sacrificial lambs, though (in Stiles case) without the noble martyrdom. Last time Finstock had put Stiles in goal “ to build up the teams confidence at the start of the season” he’d shouted some new versions of expletives at Jackson (who kept ‘accidentally’ hitting the ball at him instead of in the net) that would have made some of the most violent hardened criminals that his dad brought into the station wince. That guy, Derek, had laughed when Stiles had come up with a particularly colourful one involving Jackson and a squid. 

So his buddy Scott, who used to wear spiderman tee shirts and hold Stiles hand whenever there was a thunder storm, was now cool. 

One day, went Scott and Stiles were carrying their trays towards the table they always sat at in the corner, just the two of them, Allison skipped up to meet them and steered Scott away to her table. Stiles floundered for a second, before following. He wasn’t just going to let Allison replace him as Scott’s main girl without a fight! Besides, he thought, it might be good for those lacrosse jocks and their out-of-control egos to encounter someone with more brain cells than the average nine-year-old. 

On one side of the table sat two guys who looked like they only left the gym to prepare and consume protein shakes, Jackson, Lydia, and then another lacrosse player who normally merely ignored Stiles rather than victimising him. On the other side sat Allison, now Scott, a pretty girl Stiles didn’t know and that Derek guy, . Allison and Scott were engrossed in not letting the other one catch them looking, but Lydia and the other guys Stiles didn’t know stared at him impassively while Jackson told him there “appeared to be no room”. Stiles was debating whether he should just walk away or drag a chair from somewhere to sit at the end of the table, when Derek pushed his bag of the bench next to him and scooted along the bench so there was a space between him and the pretty girl, who looked rather put out. With all of his natural grace (which was none whatsoever) Stiles clambered on to the bench, managing to knock over a water bottle (luckily with the top still screwed on) elbow the girl once and knock into Derek twice. Finally he was seated, albeit with flaming cheeks. 

Stiles was conscious of how close together they all were. Allison and Scott didn't seem to mind out all if their shy smiles were anything to go by, by the girl next to him glared when he accidentally made eye contact and pointedly shifted closer to Scott. Derek made no move to contain himself though, his legs were spread leisurely apart as he tucked into his lunch. Stiles could feel their knees lightly touching, but didn’t want to move away in case the girl thought he was trying to move towards her and also because, well.. Derek. The unfairly attractive male in question either didn’t care, or his body wasn’t as hyper aware of Stiles and Stile’s was to Derek’s, because it was only the slightest brush of the fabric of their trousers against each other. Stiles was just wondering if Derek wore cologne or something, or did he just naturally smell like fresh air and pine and clean laundry, or is that how all guys smell and Stiles had never noticed, and if he could smell Derek that meant Derek could smell him, and was there a way to subtly sniff himself to check he smelt ok or would that make Derek’s eyebrows raise really high, like they were doing now… Derek was staring at him, eyebrows raised. The table had gone silent. 

“What” asked Stiles, worrying that he’d been saying all that out loud. 

“I asked if you were enjoying English” Derek said in a quiet voice.

“And you stared at his eyebrows like they were on fire” cut in Lydia.

“Oh yeah. Sorry I got distracted. English. How do you know I do English?” Stiles asked.

“You told me? In the library” Derek’s eyebrows were still raised. This comment prompted Lydia to lean across the table and start telling Allison and the other girl about the rumour she’d just heard about Becca Wills who’d given that skeevy guy with the bad hair, Lewis something, head in the library to make his friend, with those lame shoes, jealous. 

Stiles lowered his voice and turned to face Derek more “I remember, I just was surprised you did. Not like in a bad way. I just assumed because you play lacrosse you wouldn’t. God not that lacrosse players are stupid! I’m not trying to say all jocks are dumb, or even that you are a jock” Stiles started babbling faster and cursed not having been born with an off switch “ not that being a jock is bad. Just surprised that you would have remembered me that’s all. I should just stop talking shouldn’t I”

Stiles turned back to his unidentifiably flat meat and potatoes dish. 

“ You haven’t answered my question” Stiles turned back to Derek who was smiling faintly. 

“Stiles Mr Henderson’s civil war assignment was in for Tuesday wasn’t it?” Lydia was using her ‘I’m always right and I’m just about to prove it voice’. Stiles nodded confused. 

“It’s the French reading that’s in for Thursday” she was addressing the girl next to Stiles. 

“Have you started yours?” her clear eyes assessed Stiles cooly. 

“Yes, yep I’m already finished” aware that everyone was looking at him he asked her “you?” 

He was actually surprised she knew that he was in her History class, up until now she’d seemed completely unaware of his existence. 

“I’ve done the first draft but I want to do more research”

The rest of lunch passed this way, the girls trading gossip and discussing classes and the boys occasionally chiming in to complain or offer a derogatory opinion about whichever fellow student was being discussed. Derek didn’t try to talk to Stiles again but Stiles remained distracted by his presence for the whole of lunch. 

This became a surreal routine for Stiles, he and Scott now always sat at that table and Stiles gradually became more comfortable. Allison and Scott were pretty much completely wrapped up in each other, though they still hadn’t gotten past the blushing and occasional conversation stage. Surprisingly Stiles mainly spoke to Lydia, despite the superficial concern she displayed over the state of her cuticles, and who had gone to ‘Maggie’s cafe’ with whom at the weekend, she was fiercely intelligent and seemed to enjoy having Stiles around so she could actually get into debates with a worthy opponent. Jackson and the other guys, and occasionally Scott, would talk about lacrosse while Lydia and Stiles would discuss anything from euthanasia to the pre-reformation church in 15th Century England. Derek wouldn’t talk about lacrosse with the guys but would stay quiet, eyes on the table. Stiles knew that he was listening to his and Lydia’s debates, but wouldn’t join in, even when Stiles tried to draw him in by asking his opinion, but Stiles knew he was listening because whenever he made a point that completely destroyed Lydia’s arguments, the corners of Derek’s mouth would twitch up. It made Stiles work even harder to impress him. 

The best thing about the new seating arrangement was the space next to Derek became Stile’s seat. At first the girl (Ellie her name was) seemed to be waiting for Derek to tell Stiles to sit next to someone else, and looked indignant when Derek would slide his bag off the bench every lunch for Stiles to sit between them. But after a week she stopped looking indignant and Stiles stopped getting nervous that Derek would indeed tell him to sit somewhere else, or just stare at him impassively until he moved. Stiles didn’t think he would ever get used to the warmth of Derek next to him (how could Stiles feel the heat radiating off him through that leather jacket and Stile’s own clothes?) or his intoxicating smell. Derek ignored him and they hadn’t spoken since the first lunch, but Stiles thought this might be for the best because at the moment his presence was tolerated, but if he tried to talk to Derek who would become the babbling mess that seemed to be his customary self whenever Derek deigned to look at him, and he might get kicked off the table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you are enjoying so far! any feedback is much appreciated :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles makes a new friend, and finally may get a chance to see Derek outside of school

When Scott finally kissed Allison five weeks later, most of the awkward blushing evaporated and they became an official couple. Stiles swapped seats with Allison in chemistry so that Scott could sit next to her, yes he was the best best friend ever. Allison had been sitting next to a pretty blonde girl called Elliot before she moved. The first lesson Stiles moved to sit next to her, he was tired, he’d had a bad day, the car park had been full and he he’d spent half an hour waiting for a space before some jackass with a car that was too posh for anyone under twenty to afford had sneaked in and taken the space Stiles had been queuing for. He’d left his economics practise questions at home, and the teacher wouldn’t believe that he’d actually done them, and his one good pen had exploded in Geography so he now had ink all over his hands and hoodie sleeves. Stiles was resigned to his shit day so when he’d come into chemistry to see Allison leaning against his desk talking to Scott he’d gone to Allison’s space straight away, too tired to deal with Scott staring at her across him for the next hour. He’d sighed deeply as he slouched onto the stool, and Elliot had turned to him eyebrows raised, smirking slightly. 

Stiles caught her eye and apologised. She’d only laughed called him hun and thanked him for putting an end to the two hours a week she had to spend trying to do experiments with the back of Allison’s head as Allison’s face watched Scott measure things in jugs and then giggled and blushed whenever he caught her looking. 

The lesson went surprisingly well with Elliot. Stiles hadn’t completed a practical since the one at the beginning of term when they’d learnt how to make sherbet, normally he was banned from taking part because he was clumsy and had a tendency to knock over bottles of acid onto Scott, and Scott would get flustered with Stiles instructions then they’d both give up and see how much of one thing they could put in another before it exploded. After the first bottle of hydrochloric acid went over Elliot took over all the measuring, but she did let him light the bunsen burner which he enjoyed.

Stiles grew to sort of look forward to his chemistry lessons with Elliot. They got on really well, both sharing a love of YA fantasy fiction, and Elliot seemed to get his off-beat humour and obscure movie references in a way that no one at the moment could or was around to (naming no Scotts). The most serious disagreement they ever had was over who the assassin/princess/faerie Celaena Sardothian from the ‘Throne of Glass’ series should end up with, Elliot was firmly in the Chaol camp but Stiles believed Rowan was the one. They’d spent a whole free period trying to draw how they pictured Edward Cullen in their heads, and Elliot had started bringing in books for Stiles to read which, if he hadn’t already completely lost his dignity at high school, he would vehemently deny liking in public. 

At lunch time Stiles was still used to being the awkward outsider that everyone put up with. He’d started doing his homework at lunch just so he had something to do while everyone else shared an inside joke or talked about what they’d all done together at the weekend. He was trying to write three paragraphs about Beacon Hills in French which, as he had tried to point out to “Monsieur” Williams, was impossible as the town was only remarkable for being so completely incredibly unremarkable, perhaps the most unremarkable town in the whole of the country. He was trying to translate that sentiment into French when Derek gently nudged him. Stiles yelped and put his elbow in Ellie’s macaroni cheese. 

Derek, very chivalrously in Stiles’ opinion, pretended not to notice and said in a low voice “so are you coming tomorrow?” 

This broke Stiles out of his daydream about Derek being a chivalrous knight in hot sweaty knighty clothes (not armour as that would hide his muscles) maybe rescuing a distressed Stiles from a dragon, and speaking in a bad British accent and maybe riding a horse. Stiles thought Derek would look good on a horse. 

“Tomorrow” he repeated like a moron. Like hot chivalrous knight Derek would ever go for him, he’d probably go for Bradley James in Merlin, though thinking about those two together.. well Stiles was not going to complain. 

Derek did that funny eyebrow quirk of his, and his tongue wetted his lips in an almost nervous way, which was crazy because Derek was literally a god compared to Stiles. 

“What’s tomorrow?”

“We’re going to the cinema”

Stiles could feel his chest constrict as if a physical metal band of embarrassment and anxiety was being tightened around his heart and ribs. “ I’m not actually uh, you know, invited?” He hated how pathetic he sounded, even to his own ears. 

“I literally just asked you Stiles” Allison chimed in looking at Stiles in a way that brokered no arguments, “We’re all going tomorrow, and you have to come, to see that new film with Cameron Diaz in it”

“No” broke in Jackson from across the table “no way, I refuse to spend another evening watching chick flicks, we’re going to see that prison break out film or I’m not going.”

This continued for the rest of the lunch break.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for such a short chapter, just introducing Elliot who will feature more, and the movie night date! Will Derek get to sit with Stiles? Will Jackson get his own way? Probably don't count on the latter! Thank you for all the lovely feedback so far!


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4:

Stiles’ dad dropped him off at the cinema and he peeked his head into the lobby to see if anyone had arrived. The small cinema foyer was deserted. For a second he thinks it’s a cruel joke being played on the nerd, before he remembers that it was Allison that invited him, and she would never do anything like that. Maybe they decided not to come and forgot to let him know? It was better than it being a prank, but it still sucked a bit. He was just pulling out his phone so he could ask his dad to turn around and pick him up, when he heard the unmistakable clacking of Lydia Martin’s expensive tasteful heels punctuating the argument she was having with her surly boyfriend. For once Jackson seemed happy to see Stiles. He actually lifted his hand in greeting (Stiles did turn around to check there was nobody behind him) and the pair came over to Stiles.   
“Stillinski! You made it. Tell Lydia we’re not going to see tart break”

“Heartbreak Jackson” Lydia admonished, then addressing Stiles “you must have better taste than that terrible Dwayne Jason film”

“Jason? It’s Johnson Lydia! Sometimes I think you don’t listen to me ever” but Lydia had turned away from Jackson and was air kissing Ellie who had just arrived. 

Scott and Allison came in holding hands a minute after with Derek in tow. Stiles felt his mouth go dry. Derek always looked good (understatement of the century) but seeing him outside of school. Damn. He was dressed in tight black jeans that made Stiles simultaneously want him to drop something and bend over, and want him to cover up because Stiles could not deal with that level of hotness. He was wearing a stonewashed grey button down that made him looked even more tan, and accentuated his broad chest.

“Danny can’t make it, apparently his soufflé’s at a critical stage or something” Jackson announced reading off his phone. 

“What are we seeing then” Allison said, smiling when the argument started again. 

Derek caught Stiles’ eye before grimacing. Stiles felt ridiculous that even this tiny interaction made his stomach swoop. 

“Shall I get popcorn while you all decide?” he said in his deep slow voice. 

Everyone murmured their consent before continuing the discussion. Stiles jumped when he felt a hand on his arm. 

“Come help me carry?” Derek was behind him with his eyebrows raised. Like there was a single thing Stiles would ever refuse to do for Derek.

Whilst the acne-speckled youth prepared five tubs of mixed popcorn Derek stared at the operation intently and Stiles tried to guess how many smarties were in the pick’n’mix container. 

“What do you want to see” Derek asked him abruptly, frowning a little. 

Stiles thought that telling him the truth (which was that he was just psyched to be invited out by anyone who wasn’t just Scott or his dad, and he was feeling pathetically honoured to be out with the group so he honestly didn’t care about what they did) would come across very uncool, so he just shrugged noncommittally. 

“You know I’ve heard you give a lecture to Scott about which paper napkin colour is the most superior, you must have an opinion about the movie choice”

Stiles was about to indignantly repeat his lecture about how purple was always the most absorbent serviette choice when he saw that Derek’s cheeks had dimpled a little. He was teasing him. Stiles’s treacherous stomach did a back flip. Stiles realised this was the first time they’d been alone (if you counted being 5 metres away from five friends and next to a cinema employee making popcorn as alone) since the disastrous library incident which he was trying to erase from his memory. 

Derek didn’t look uncomfortable or bored though. Just expectant. Because it was Stiles’ turn to talk. because thats how conversations work. C’mon Stiles! In accordance to his normal reaction to any interaction with Derek, Stiles started to blush again. In his panic to respond, he started ranting at Derek about how sexist rom-coms were, listing off how they objectified men’s bodies, and told women that their life was empty without a man and ended up by shouting at Derek, and the bewildered employee “and let’s face the huge romantic gesture the guy does, he only gets away with it because he’d devastatingly handsome! If he was gross with greasy hair and those trousers which show of too much ankle? She’d call the police! It’s creating a culture of stalking. I mean would you like it if some random guy that’s normally really rude to you turns up to the house where you live with your husband and gets you to lie to him so he has time to show you all these signs he's made? We’re showing girls that aggressive male behaviour is acceptable and showing guys that stalking leads to a happy ending!” 

Stiles stopped to draw breath and saw that Derek and the popcorn guy were staring at him. After a moment Derek said “so not Heartbreak then…”

Up until this point had thought it was scientifically impossible for more blood to rush to his cheeks. 

“Sorry I got a bit carried away” Stiles trailed off awkwardly and started examine the very interesting plain grey linoleum floor. 

“No it’s fine, it’s interesting.” Stiles looked up sharply at Derek “I’ve never thought about it like that, I mean I don’t normally watch chick flicks, but my sisters you know? They've made me watch all of them. I always thought the big romantic gestures were kind of cute, but I suppose Edward Cullen only gets away with watching Bella sleep because he’s hot”

Stiles, for once in his life, was speechless. Not only was this the most words Stiles had ever heard Derek speak in a row ever, they were addressed solely to Stiles, and he was agreeing with Stiles’ crazy rant! And had he just said he found Robert Pattison hot?! Stiles must have imagined that. 

Stiles was still staring, open mouthed probably, at Derek when he said “so do you fancy that prison break one?” 

Stiles managed to keep his second rant a lot shorter, and he barely shouted at Derek or Jim (that’s what popcorn guys’ name tag read). 

“… So really Escape from Alcatraz is the only prison break film you ever need to watch ever.” Stiles was just helping Derek pick up the cardboard tubs of popcorn, still talking, when Lydia’s heels clacked over. 

“Derek, you have to choose what film we’re going to, they've been arguing for ten minutes its getting ridiculous” Lydia managed to leave out the fact that it was mainly she and Jackson arguing. 

“How about that horror film with the doll, kind of a compromise? I don’t really fancy the romcom or the prison break one to be honest” Derek looked at Stiles for confirmation like he actually wanted Stiles to be ok with the choice? 

Everyone was happy with going to see the horror film (apart from Scott who Stiles knew hated jump scares and gore but who was adamantly pretending to Allison that he loved them) so they got the tickets and went in to the screen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just another short chapter, another longer one coming soon :)


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5:

The next time Stiles sees Derek is in the locker room when Derek is getting changed which is really not fair. Stiles doesn’t understand how Finstock can expect him to concentrate on volleyball when he’s just been confronted by a very naked Derek coming out of the shower. Well not confronted. Confronted implies some sort of purpose or intentionality in Derek’s actions. In reality Derek did not come out of the shower, see Stiles, come over and confront him. Derek came out of the shower like a normal person and Stiles hid like a crazy person. Stiles had come in to the locker room at the back of group of the boys in his gym class who were about to change to play volleyball. Finstock taught economics in the period before their gym class, so they were the only group changing normally. Stiles therefore thought it was very unfair for Derek to ambush him with his nakedness and hotness and generally gorgeous wet body… Again maybe ambush implies an awareness on Derek’s part. What actually happened was Derek came out of the shower as Stiles entered the locker room, Stiles let out an undignified squark which he would later deny, and then for some reason that made sense to Stiles at the time (he wondered if he could plead temporary insanity brought on by coming face to face with extreme hotness?) he hurriedly dived into a random classmate’s random open locker. The boy, Greg, came back a second later and stared at the new addition to his locker mute in surprise. 

Stiles awkwardly extricated himself from the boys locker “ I was just performing routine checks, its all good, well done” he patted the boy on the shoulder.

Scott, in his oblivious puppy dog way hadn’t noticed anything had happened.

“Hey bro, where did you go? he asked with his innocent lopsided grin. 

“What is Derek doing in the locker room?” He asked Scott sharply.

Scotts smile faltered “I think he just went for a jog in his free and was having a quick shower. Coach has been on the whole team to up their fitness routine and I think Derek trains whenever he's not in lessons. Why?”

“Because Scott, it is grossly inappropriate! People can’t just waltz in and use the locker room, it mucks up the system. It’s pretty disrespectful.”

“Disrespectful?”

“You don’t just want to walk in and see someone changing in the locker room! “

Scott was confused “Changing in the changing room…”

Luckily before Stiles could keep converting his sexual frustration into an unfounded and unfair rant about Derek’s use of school property Finstock caught sight of Stiles and Scott still not in their kit and shouted at them to hurry up.

Stiles tripped over his ankles three times in volleyball (any amateur can trip over their feet, it takes a truly skilful klutz to trip over their ankles) and got hit in the face with the ball once because his mind was completely occupied with Derek. He divided his time equally between trying to recall exactly how the water droplets traced the line of Derek’s chiselled abs and thinking about the cinema trip. 

It had gone surprisingly well and Stiles had actually enjoyed himself when he’d started to feel less nervous and out of place. He’d ended up on the end, with Derek next to him and Ellie next to him and then the two couples. During the adverts Stiles had been quiet, the otherwise were laughing and chucking popcorn at each other, but Stiles just concentrated on keeping his breathing steady and not thinking about the fact that he was with a bunch of pretty much strangers and his buddy Scott was right down the other end of the aisle. He kept waiting for Jackson or someone to call him out, to ask what the hell he was doing there, but no-one confronted him. He’d been so busy having his minor freak out that he’d almost forgotten Derek’s presence. He jumped out of his skin when Derek whispered in his ear “D’you fancy it?” reminding him that he was there. 

He was raising his eyebrows and then jerked his head at the screen. It was a trailer for a comedy about an ex army officer becoming the pastoral head of a fraternity. Whenever Stiles went to the cinema with Scott or his dad they always said at the end of each trailer whether they were going to go see the film or not. Stiles was just surprised that Derek was acting like Stiles was his buddy. At the end of each trailer Derek would turn to Stiles, impressive eyebrows raised, and wait for Stiles to give his verdict. Stiles had to keep the laughter that kept threatening to bubble up clamped down, and concentrated on not letting his face break into the happy grin that he was feeling on the inside. 

The film was predictable and pretty terrible. Stiles wanted to laugh at some of the grey scenes, they were so badly acted, but he thought that would make him look like a psycho. He did laugh once when the girl looked out the window and a hand slammed against the glass, and Derek jumped and spilt his popcorn. Derek turned to grin at him ruefully and rolled his eyes a little. Stiles couldn't respond. He was so overwhelmed by the guy next to him. It was one thing that his face looked like it had been sculpted by a god, but when he was being nice to Stiles and self deprecating and not at all up himself like jocks should be- Stiles was worried that if he relaxed even a little his whole body would melt. 

Stiles could feel Ellie shift and here the rustle as she positioned her body so her side and legs were pressed against Derek. Stiles kept his head completely still but looked down at her slim legs brushing against Derek’s denim-clad ones. When Derek shifted imperceptibly, just enough so that his body was not touching hers, Stiles felt irrationally smug.

He hadn’t told Scott any of this when he’d asked if he’d enjoyed the film (Scott definitely hadn’t, he’d tried to close his eyes but Allison had noticed so instead he’d just got greener and greener as the violence progressed and, when the others had left, Stiles had had to wait in the car with mummy McCall for 15 minutes while Scott sat breathing in the cold night air, head between his legs to stop the dizziness). 

In chemistry though, when Elliot asks about his weekend, she must have seen some of his feelings in his eyes because she squealed and punched him in the arm (Elliot was petite and pretty with cute girly Japanese stationary with blushing pandas on sticky notes and stuff but she came from a family with three brothers and could punch harder than Scott. Which was not hard- Stiles had literally seen Scott get bullied by a gerbil at the vets where he worked).

“You’ve met someone” 

“No Elliot”

She punched him again. “ Don’t lie to me! Tell me all about her!”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about!” But with a mixture of her pout and punches she managed to wheedle out of Stiles that yes, there was someone he liked, but no they definitely did not like him back, and no he did not want to make an amazing plan to woo them and no she could not give him a makeover to turn him from geek to chic. 

Stiles would have protested the premise that he was geek but he definitely was and he was concentrating on not calling his crush a he. 

Elliot and he were still talking when the lesson ended, and they kept chatting as they walked to the canteen together. He was in the middle of explaining one of his conspiracy theories about a character who “was dead” in Game of Thrones when they’d both got their food and were walking through the maze of tables. They got to his table (or at least the table where he was permitted to sit) and he stood there awkwardly. He kind of wanted Elliot to sit with him so that everyone else could see that he did have actual friends who were real and they were cool. 

Lydia, as per usual swooped in, and asked him to introduce his friend. Elliot sat down and within a minute was chatting with Ellie and Lydia. Stiles found himself envying her confidence and ease, and the way people warmed to her so quickly. But, he thought to himself, surely everyone would think him marginally less weird now he had a friend who met with their approval. 

Stiles took his normal place next to Derek. He was trying to think of something to say in reference to the cinema trip, but then he thought maybe Derek wouldn’t remember the details (because he wasn’t a sad person who lay in bed and replayed the whole evening twice before going to sleep and when he brushed his teeth). Stiles had then left it too long to say something that would acknowledge Derek so he just started eating. He then realised that he could definitely ask Derek if he enjoyed the film without coming across as creepy and he’d just turned to Derek to ask him when Elliot started a conversation with Derek about lacrosse. Normally at lunch Derek was pretty quiet but he spoke quite enthusiastically to Elliot and even made jokes which made her giggle. Stiles tried to join in once, but he knew nothing about basketball (the subject they were now animatedly discussing) and this ended up with Elliot laughing at him and Derek quirking those eyebrows when he got the rules of netball confused with those of basketball.

He stayed quiet for the rest of lunch while Elliot and Derek talked over his head. He knew it was irrational and he was letting all his insecure and jealous thoughts get the better of him, but he hated how well Derek and Elliot got on. He must really like her, Stiles thought, as Derek made another joke making Elliot laugh and look at him from under her lashes. Stiles knew that he should be happy that his friends were getting on with each other but he just felt redundant, like neither of them knew he was there. This was horrible needy thinking, but Stiles couldn’t help it. Elliot coming in and getting on better with everyone, including and especially Derek, in half an hour than Stiles’ weeks of lunchtimes made all his worries come flooding back to him. They obviously didn’t like him. This is how they acted with people they liked, with people who were like them. Stiles was an outsider, and Elliot’s ease at getting in to the group had reminded him that it would never be like that for him.


	6. Chapter 6

Friday was turning out to be a bad end to a bad week. Stiles had had difficulty sleeping all week so during the days he’d been exhausted and irritable. He’d been feeling barely there in the lessons, like he was about to dissolve and no one would notice. Stiles felt like he was completely trapped inside his own head, and felt utterly isolated from all the other teenagers around him. He’d even been distant with Elliot and testy with Derek. She’d tagged along without asking to lunch after Chemistry twice more since the first time last week. Stiles was simultaneously angry with her for not noticing that it made him upset, and angry at himself for being petty and a bad friend to her. When she was there he folded in on himself and would go the whole lunch without making eye contact with anyone. When she wasn’t there he felt awkward and embarrassed about how he’d behaved and so sat quietly not interacting with anyone. By this Friday it had been a whole week since Stiles had actually had a proper conversation with anyone. Scott had been busy trying to get on top of all his work because he’d had two notes from unsatisfied teachers and he’d been banned from seeing Allison outside school until he was up on his school work. 

That morning Stiles had had a gruelling maths test which he hadn’t revised for, and a particularly loud Geography lesson which had given him a headache. He resolved to go to lunch and get a hug from his buddy Scott, and then maybe apologise to Derek for his behaviour (without offering an explanation because Derek would think he was being pathetic) and then try to make him laugh, because seeing Derek’s cute little bunny teeth was what Stiles needed to cheer himself up.

He was thinking of a funny anecdote of his dad’s to tell everyone at the table (an assistant in the jewellery store in town had accidentally pressed the panic button under the counter when he was trying to work out what it did. After the police had come ready to catch the non existent burglar and then gone back to the station a little annoyed the same assistant had pressed the button to demonstrate what he’d done to another shop worker and the police had come rushing out again.) while he paid for his food and walked towards the table. Elliot was there.

Stiles’ stomach sank. Whenever she’d sat there before it was after she’d had chemistry with Stiles and they’d walked to the canteen together. Now she was sitting there without him. It made Stiles feel like she’d forgotten him, and so had everyone else. He thought that he shouldn’t blame them, Elliot was self assured and funny and Stiles was awkward with no social skills, but he couldn’t help but feel hurt. He squared his shoulders and told himself he was being ridiculous and then walked over to them. 

“Hi guys”

Elliot looked up briefly at him and smiled before turning back to everyone and continuing the story she was telling about a jump she almost messed up but then landed when she went skiing. Stiles stood there awkwardly waiting for her to move up so he could sit in his normal place next to Derek. 

“Um Elliot, could you budge up?” 

Elliot turned back round to look at him. So did Derek. They both looked a little bemused. 

“There’s more room on the other bench Stiles. Danny’s sick today.” Derek’s eyebrows were raised at him.

It was true, there was only Lydia, Jackson and Allison on the other side, with Derek, Elliot, Ellie and Scott all sitting on this side. But Stiles wanted to sit in his seat, partly because it was next to Derek, but also because having his own place made him feel like he belonged in the group. Stiles was tempted to ask Elliot to stand up and move to the other side but he knew everyone would think he was being ridiculous. 

Trying to stop his cheeks from heating up Stiles sat down at the end of the table opposite Derek. Everyone continued their conversation about winter sports or whatever. Stiles couldn’t eat. He was focusing on keeping his breathing steady and not letting his burning eyes form tears. Having Elliot join the group so easily was one thing, but now he felt like she’d replaced him. She’d shown him that she was what everyone had wanted in the first place and Stiles had just butted his way in and attached himself to the group. 

She tried to draw him into the conversation once, but he just made a forlorn hum in agreement and looked back down at his chips which he was fiddling with. 

That night he tried to tell himself that everything would be better after the weekend. He’d be less tired and less sensitive and everyone would have forgotten his odd behaviour and things would go back to normal.

He decided to skip supper even though he hadn’t eaten since breakfast and go to bed (his dad had the late shift and would probably get take out with his deputy ordered in to the station). He couldn’t stand being alone in the quiet house. He couldn’t drown out his negative thoughts and he could barely hear any rational thoughts over the constant internal shout “they don't want you there, they don’t want you there!”

He dragged himself up to bed and curled up under his duvet, holding his old frayed bear under his chin, feeling his tears sear hot tracks into his cheeks and down his chin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the lovely feedback!


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7:

Over the weekend Stiles spent most of the time in bed. He drifted between sleep and reliving every bad memory, every painful experience and every interaction which proved him to be such a worthless human being. He was constantly on the verge of tears, so was glad his dad had to work so he didn’t have to see his son being so pathetic. Stiles didn’t feel like eating, when he opened the door to the fridge the smell of the food and cold meat and sauce made him feel sick. He managed to get down some toast three times a day on Saturday and a bowl of cereal and some crackers on Sunday. Whenever he thought about going back to school on Monday his chest tightened and his hands felt shaky and bloodless. 

On Monday morning the inexplicable feeling of dread increased. He found that he physically couldn’t heave himself out of bed. He burrowed under the covers and tried to keep his breathing steady. He could do this. What was the worst thing that could happen at school? But he didn’t come out of the covers until he knew that school had already began. His dad came in to get him up, but saw how pale Stiles was and said he’d heard from Brenda at the front desk that the was a nasty bug going round and her daughter had been off school for three days. He patted Stiles on the shoulder and a couple of minutes later Stiles could here the police car pull out of the drive. 

A couple of hours later Stiles was woken by the ravenous hunger he was feeling. He went downstairs and made himself spaghetti with almost two handfuls of cheese, and some bacon all stirred into some tomato sauce. He ate quickly spooning it into his mouth. As soon as it was all gone though he felt disgusting. He was weak and fat, staying home and gorging himself on pasta. He thought he could feel each pasta piece and gob of cheese sticking in his intestines and puffing out his stomach. He managed to run to the toilet before he was sick, violently hurling up his lunch until he was left with dry heaves that hurt his throat. 

He stumbled back to bed with an aching jaw and hugged himself as he thought about what a mess he’d become. 

He didn’t want to go to school on Tuesday but he also didn’t want to have another day at home alone so he made himself get out of bed. He pulled on his baggiest hoody and jeans and drove to school. Walking down the corridors and in lessons he tried to tuck himself away, using his baggy clothes as a shield which would make him invisible to the other students and teachers. He was almost looking forward to lunch though, because he hadn’t really had a proper conversation with anyone in a week, and he thought after three days Scott would definitely have missed him, and even Lydia and Derek might ask were he was yesterday. 

When he got to the canteen though, he saw everyone already there, laughing and looking carefree, and Elliot was there sitting next to Derek, their faces turned towards each other as they discussed something smiling. He left his tray of food on the nearest table and turned and hurriedly walked out the way he had come. 

He walked unseeingly and without thinking and found himself in the library. He hid himself in the farthest stack of books at the back and pretended to browse while he willed his eyes to stop burning. He would not cry at school. He had no reason to cry. He was being pathetic. So what if nobody missed him and they were all having fun without him? They owed him nothing, they weren’t even his friends to begin with so he shouldn’t be surprised. He didn’t even feel jealous of Derek’s attentions to Elliot. Not really, not anymore. Derek was so out of his league that Stiles could never expect to be the target of his blinding smile. It wasn’t like Elliot had replaced him with Derek, because to Derek Stiles was just a minor annoyance. He probably didn’t even register Stiles enough for him to be anything more, not even a major source of annoyance.

As he thought about Derek the hot tears started to fall but Stiles roughly brushed them away. He walked to one of the tables and pulled out his chemistry homework. Hopefully it would take his mind off everything.

At the end of lunch, when he was packing away it occurred to Stiles that this hadn’t been so bad. It didn’t matter that he didn’t have any friends, he didn’t need to eat (wouldn’t eat alone in the canteen) he could just come to the library and do work at lunch. This had the duel advantages that he’d be on top of all his work, and that no-one needed to see him sitting by himself in the canteen at lunch. The thought of the rest of the year, spent alone in the library with no one for company made a fresh wave of tears threaten to fall, but he blinked harshly and stood up. This was his reality now, he had better get used to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay and the short chapter but another one is coming very soon! Thank you so much for all the lovely feedback so far its been so encouraging!


	8. Chapter 8

Stiles hadn’t had any texts or Facebook messages for about a week, but the next day he gets one in first period maths from Scott. 

Hey bro, feel like i havent seen you in ages! want to meet at break?

For a second Stiles felt irrationally angry. Who's fault is that he thought. But then he thought that he hadn’t told Scott that he’d been feeling so shitty, and maybe he'd just been trying to give Stiles space. He quickly texted back under the table that he’d meet Scott outside by the big fir tree. 

At first, seeing Scott, Stiles felt like everything was going to be ok. He’d missed his best friend and his optimism. But Stiles felt a separation, a barrier between the two of them that had never been there before. He was listening to what Stiles was saying about lacrosse practise and the finals, but he couldn’t switch of the part of his brain that was comparing them, the running commentary that Scott had outstripped Stiles in everything. Scott’s life was on an exponential curve going up, he had a girlfriend who he loved and who adored him, he had a new group of cool friends, and he was one of the elite idolised few as one of the lacrosse team members. Stiles’ life was rolling away out of his control. He was missing school, and barely concentrating in lessons. He felt like the only thing he had going for him was his intellect, and now his brain had turned against him and wouldn’t cooperate in class, all it would do was tell him that he was a failure and things would never get better. How long would Scott keep putting up with his useless counterpart?

Scott was talking about Allison and Stiles was nodding at regular intervals when he saw Derek heading towards the bench he was sitting on. He smiled at Scott and lifted a hand in greeting, but to his surprise, addressed Stiles. 

“There’s a new burrito bar thats just opened in town. Do you want to try it out after school?

Stiles’ heart soared. 

“Yeah, great” he said, the first grin he’d felt for a week spreading across his features.

“Great” said Derek looking pleased “Do you want a lift, or are you going to meet us there?”

“Us?’ asked Stiles.

“Yeah me and Elliot. It was her idea”

Stiles didn’t know what to say so he stayed silent.

“She said she hadn’t seen you for ages and said you’d do anything that involved food” said Derek still smiling. 

Stiles felt sick. He knew that Derek and Elliot got on, but now they were making plans outside school? Plans that they deigned to invite him to out of what, pity? 

“So meet around 4? Elliot has got to be home by 7 because she’s got a piano lesson.”

Even this, even Derek relaying something as mundane as Elliot’s hobbies felt like a physical blow. Him and Elliot must be close for him to know all this about her, they must have been talking a lot to arrange this little get together. Well Stiles wasn’t going to third wheel. 

“Sorry” he said standing up and trying to keep his face casual and his voice steady “ I’ve just remembered I’ve got a thing after school, a very important thing which I can’t miss. Have fun though”

“Can’t you do it another day” asked Derek. 

It was almost like he actually cared whether Stiles or not came. It was those eyebrows playing tricks on Stiles.

“No sorry, anyway got to go” and shrugging his bag onto his shoulder Stiles walked away briskly. 

It had hurt more than he thought it would, Elliot and Derek moving on from the kind of friends who saw each other at school to the kind of friends that messaged each other and made plans, or was it dates? Stiles wondered if either of them had any idea how much it hurt for them to arrange something without him then invite him last minute. He knew he was being petty but he knew both of them first. They only knew each other because of him. He was almost tempted to go and completely cockblock both of them, but he couldn’t stand three hours of being the awkward third wheel that no-one wanted. It was better that he went home and he learnt to accept his own company. 

He did his best to forget that rush of joy he had felt when Derek had first asked him to come. When Stiles had dared to hope that Derek liked him, as a friend, dared to hope he liked him as something more. That was the worst part, the hope he had felt which had been extinguished within seconds. Because Stiles was an idiot. He was a conceited idiot that had thought for a second that there was a way in hell that someone like Derek Hale could like him. Well he now knew how wrong he had been. Derek and Elliot were going to get together and he was going to have to pretend to be happy for both of them. 

Sighing heavily he trudged towards his next lesson. Someone rushing past him jostled him and accidentally spilt coffee down Stiles’ shirt. The guy shouted “watch where you’re going dumbass” before jogging on shaking their head. 

Perfect thought Stiles, absolutely bloody perfect.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter nine

Two weeks pass in a haze of isolation and misery. Stiles had stopped eating at school all together and barely eats at home. He has always been slim, but now he has no extra body weight at all. His ribs are all clearly visible through his skin, and his hip bones and cheekbones seem to protrude. At first Stiles tried to force himself to eat, but he relished his self control, his ability to go without food, at the moment it was the only part of his life that he seemed to have any control over whatsoever so he pushed himself to go for longer without eating, til eventually he didn’t seem to notice the hunger at all. 

The day after the burrito date with Derek, Elliot talks at Stiles for half an hour in Chemistry about how wonderful he is, and how much they have in common. Stiles doesn’t even try to pretend to be happy for her, and they don’t talk in the next lessons and carry out their work in silence. 

 

elliot starts texting him but it rings false

Unbelievably it is Jackson that breaks Stiles out of his downward spiral of self loathing and solitude. Stiles has started hiding in the bathroom after school until the rush to go home has eased because he can’t cope with the flood of students around him walking to the car park. He had just left the bathroom and was walking towards the exit, ten minutes after school had ended, when he ran into jackson who was in his lacrosse kit and was filling up his bottle at the water fountain. Stiles didn’t think Jackson would even register his presence so he jumped when Jackson greeted him. 

“Stilinski” the taller boy said “ has Scott told you about Saturday?”

Stiles shook his head.

“There’s a party at Danny’s Friday nigh. Starts at 8 but probably come around 9 when it gets going?”

Jackson turned away and was walking down the hall back to the changing rooms.

“Oh, bring beer if you can but if you can’t because of the whole sheriff dad thing bring some doritos or chips or something”

Stiles managed to get himself to speak but couldn’t keep the incredulous tone out of his words “you want me to come?”

“We’re celebrating winning the semi finals. You haven’t been coming to practise but you’re still part of the team”

Stiles hadn’t been able to face the intense noise of the locker room, or seeing all his cohorts naked muscular chests and having them see his own weak puny body. 

“I’m not sure” Stiles managed to get out but Jackson interrupted him. 

“You’re coming Stilinski, it will be fun.”

They both walked away in separate directions. Stiles for the first time in weeks felt the hint of a smile tugging at his cheeks. 

 

XXXX

 

Stiles drove to the party in his jeep. He was torn because he wanted to be able to drink but he also wanted to have the reassurance that he could leave at any time if he started to feel anxious so he decided to forfeit the drinking for the driving.

He was nervous as he made his way inside. Danny’s house was packed and Stiles didn’t recognise any of the dancing bodies in the hallway. He pushed his way through the sweaty butch guys and scantily clad girls all holding plastic cups and made his way into the living room. Something came out of nowhere and knocked him off balance. It was Scott who was hugging him so tightly Stiles couldn’t breathe. 

“You came!” shouted Scott over the music.

Stiles could see that his pupils were blown and he was swaying slightly. He’d obviously had a bit to drink which was making him cuddly and tactile. He dragged Stiles by the arm into the kitchen to find Allison. Allison also hugged him and smiled like she was genuinely happy Stiles was there. They stayed together laughing for about 15 minutes and Stiles started to relax. At first he was happy to listen to the couples gentle teasing and was just glad that he hadn’t been left alone at the party, but gradually he found himself able to join in the conversation and sided with Allison against Scott, both of them telling funny Scott anecdotes while Scott pretended to scowl. When some of Scott’s team mates dragged Scott away Allison stayed with Stiles and they carried on chatting about school. 

Stiles was trying to find the toilet when he ran into Elliot. She squealed and air kissed him in an over-exaggerated display of affection. She either was forgetting the fact that they had barely spoken in two weeks or was choosing to ignore it. 

“Stiles! I’m so happy you came. I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages!”

Stiles smiled weakly “Hi Elliot”

“How have you been?” then without waiting for an answer “Everything’s been so busy at the moment, I’ve had so much school work and then like stuff with the guys. Last week there was a thing at Lydia’s and I literally got so drunk it was crazy. I was hungover for like the whole of the next day! You should have come!”

Stiles chose not to point out the fact that he hadn’t been invited and just smiled.

“It’s good you’ve come out though today. It’s better than wallowing isn’t it?”

Stiles felt cold “Wallowing”

“You know” she said tossing her head “it’s obvious you’ve been feeling ‘depressed’” on the word depressed she did little bunny ears with her hands in the air “but you won’t feel better if you just stay at home and mope, you’ve got to just like buck up and get on with it”

Stiles felt like he’d been slapped. 

She caught sight of his face “I’m saying it’s a good thing that you're here!” she touched his shoulder “it’s not like you have anything to be depressed about anyway!” she tossed her hair again “Like every teenage gets sad, I get sad. Sometimes I get like so stressed and I like cry and stuff so I think I have depression but I just don’t let it get to me so I’m fine. I’m not attention seeking.”

“What?!” Stiles finally managed to speak “You think I’m attention seeking?”

“I didn’t mean that” she said smiling at him patronisingly “I just meant that everyone has problems and you’re kind of acting like you’re the only one that does, no offence.”

Stiles felt so angry and hurt he couldn’t speak. All the blood was rushing to his heads. His eyes burned with angry tears. He had to get away, he couldn’t cry in front of her. He managed to stumble out of the room, he heard Elliot call his name once and then sigh. He made it to the front door before the tears started to fall. 

At first he was angry with Elliot but then the doubt started to creep in. Was she right? Was he just an attention seeker? Should he just pull himself together and stop moping? He let out a pained, guttural cry of self hatred. His shaking hands fumbled in his pockets for his jeep keys and he dropped them in the mud. 

“Fuck” he cried out in frustration and anger and loathing at his own uselessness. 

“Stiles” a voice called. “Is that you?” 

By the dim illumination of the front porch light he saw Lydia coming from the dark spot along the street where people had parked their cars. He saw a posh car with a woman pull away, she must have only just arrived. Stiles tried to blink back his tears and sniffed harshly twice. Lydia caught sight of his face and rushed towards him. 

“Stiles! What’s wrong?” She threw her arms around him and patted his back while the tears started to fall again. Stiles was past caring that he was crying in front of the coolest girl at school, past caring that this was going to make him even weirder in everyone’s eyes.

“She’s right, it’s my fault. I’m just pathetic.”

“Who’s right?” Lydia asked.

“Elliot” said Stiles, and he told Lydia what Elliot had just said. He felt Lydia stiffen then she drew away from him suddenly. 

“She said what?” her face was stony and her voice was cold. She grabbed Stiles shoulders and said fiercely “Look at me Stiles. This is not your fault. You are not wallowing and you are not attention seeking. Don’t listen to that bitch. I swear to god I’m going to slap her” and with a steely determination she turned around and made to go into the house. 

“No wait don’t” said Stiles “I don’t want anyone to know” 

Lydia looked like she wanted to argue but then just sighed. “How are you getting home?”

Stiles gestured with his keys towards his jeep that was parked a couple of metres away “Driving”

“Don’t be silly, you can’t drive in the state your in” and without waiting for a reply she snatched his keys and strode towards the jeep. 

She let herself in and climbed into the passenger seat. Stiles stared for a second then scrambled to get in the car. Lydia made a little hmm-ing noise while she searched for the ignition then smiled satisfied when she got the car to start. 

“Can you actually drive stick?”

She turned to look at him one eyebrow raised “Stiles, have you met me? Is there anything I can’t do?” and with a lurching jolt she started the car. 

It was a rough ride home. Stiles kept his white knuckled grip on the door the whole way back and with the other hand stroked the seat soothingly. “It’s ok baby” he whispered to his car. 

He was very relieved when they pulled up outside his house. Lydia swung herself down from the jeep looking pleased with herself. She kept walking towards Stiles’ from door even as he hurried behind her saying “It’s ok, you don’t have to walk me in”. 

She rung the front door bell as he was searching for the key on his key chain. The sheriff opened the door. Lydia smiled sweetly and stuck out her hand.

“Mr Stilinski? Lydia Martin, I’m a friend of Stiles’” 

His dad was openmouthed and only just managed to shake her hand. He then caught sight of Stiles skulking in the shadows his face tearstained and eyes puffy. He looked worried and was about to say something when Lydia cut in.

“I’m afraid Stiles had a bad experience at the party but he’s ok now. We’re just going to hang out for a bit until he feels better. May I” and with that she walked into the house still smiling. 

The Stilinksi males made bemused eye contact with each other before following her into the living room. She had seated herself on the sofa and was looking around appraisingly head cocked. 

“Do you have any tea? I think it would help” she smiled sweetly at the sheriff.

He faltered “Tea, I’m not sure.. we might do”

“It’s in the cupboard above the kettle” broke in Stiles “the teapot’s in the cabinet with mum’s cake plate”.

The sheriff nodded still looking at Lydia like she had two heads and then shake himself and made his way into the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry guys it's going to get less angsty, Lydia is here now! Thank you so much for all the lovely comments they've been very encouraging :)


	10. Chapter 10

chapter ten

Stiles and Lydia didn’t talk. They ended up watching Project Runway which Lydia criticised the whole way through, revealing her knowledge of fashion and dressmaking. Stiles thought he really should stopped being surprised that Lydia pretty much everything about almost anything. After a while she put on Tangled, and they laughed together at the Princesses antics, the horse’s grumpy face, and they may have both cried when the princess thought the thief had betrayed her. He ended up with Lydia leaning against him, both his arms around his middle. He had gotten over the crush he used to harbour for her in his misguided youth but he enjoyed the feeling of closeness with a friend. It made him miss the easy touches he had shared with Scott. 

It was well into the night when the doorbell stirred Stiles from his half-asleep position using Lydia’s head as a pillow. Lydia opened her eyes then stood up. Looking at her, as immaculate as ever, no-one would be able to tell that just seconds ago she’d been drooling in her sleep. Before either of them could open the door, Stiles’s dad had opened it to reveal Lydia’s mother. 

“Well well well, you must be Mr Stilinski.” a feminine voice belonging to a pretty middle aged woman purred “or should I say officer?”

Her gaze raked down the Sherrif’s uniform cladded body.

Stiles” dad scrubbed the back of his neck with his hand awkwardly before introducing himself and inviting her in. 

“Oh no, I can’t stay” she said, the predatory gleam in her eye suggesting that she’d like to “I’m just here to collect my little Lydia.”

Lydia stalked to her mother rolling her eyes. 

“Well we should get going, I need my beauty sleep” Lydia’s mother tittered. 

Embarrassed sheriff Stilinski said “well you must be getting more sleep than anyone I know in this town”.

Both Stiles and Lydia turned to stare at the Sheriff, Stiles looked horrified, Lydia exasperated. She put her arm through her mothers and propelled her to the car, calling over her shoulder to Stiles that she’d see him tomorrow. 

Stiles looked at his father incredulously before heading upstairs to bed. 

 

XXXXXXXXX

 

Waking up with Lydia Martin in your room was frankly, in Stiles’ humble opinion, one of the scariest ways to start the day that he knew of.   
“Do you own any clothes that aren’t in primary colours, have nerdy slogans on them, or aren’t made of plaid?”

Stiles sat bolt upright in bed, flailed in shock then promptly fell out of bed. He silently thanked whichever god was in charge of pre bedtime routines that he’d opted to keep his boxers on before falling into bed last night. 

He looked up to see Lydia Martin standing in his room, one eyebrow raised. 

He hastily pulled the sheet of his bed to cover himself with. 

“Lydia?! What the hell are you doing here?”

She looked down her nose at him. 

“Do you recall Stiles, when as I was leaving last night, after that horrific display of flirting from our respective parents I said I’d see you tomorrow? It is now tomorrow”

He gawped at her, open mouthed. She inspected her immaculate nails, pastel green that morning to match her pretty mint green dress with a white lace peter pan collar. 

“We’re going shopping in four minutes, we can get breakfast on the way. I’ll wait for you downstairs.” and with that she swept from his room giving it one more disparaging look. 

Stiles pinched himself. He was awake. The bruise he was certain was forming on his backside from falling out of bed proved it. 

 

XXXXXXXX

 

Shopping with Lydia was terrifying and magnificent in the same way that Stiles suspected watching a lion chase and take down an antelope would be. He’d never met someone who could make shop assistants and managers quake alike without even saying a word. So far she’d bought two dresses which weren’t available to the public, one vase which wasn’t for sale and ordered a night stand to be delivered to her house, from a store that didn’t do delivery. During all this Stiles had trotted around after her, trying to keep up whilst she shopped with deadly efficiency. 

They ended up in a posh boutique furniture shop with low lighting and trinkets covering every low table, all without prices on them. Lydia stopped in front of an old up-cycled dresser bearing candles in pretty floral tins. She took the lid off one and sniffed it critically. 

“Fresh linen and sea salt?” she offered it to Stiles. 

He sniffed and wrinkled his nose. 

“Lemon and grapefruit?”

Stiles smelt it then firmly handed it back to Lydia. 

“It smells like a clean toilet”

Lydia spluttered a surprised laugh and the shop assistant turned a disapproving look to them from across the quiet store. 

They got through five more scents, each more pretentious than the last (Stiles had not been a fan of ‘vintage leather and freshly cut sandalwood’) before he sniffed the vanilla candle and found he quite liked it. 

“We’ll have three of these” Lydia slid them across the counter.  
After they left the shop she handed the bag to Stiles. 

“These are for your room, it looks like an eight year old lives there. These will give it a touch of class.”

He moved to get his wallet out but Lydia put her hand on his arm stopping him. 

“I’ve bought so much for myself this morning, please just take the candles so I don’t feel so guilty about how much I’ve spent on myself.”

She gave his arm a squeeze before strutting off towards the next shop. Stiles had to shake himself before following her. 

After two more hours they were finished, Lydia bore two new pairs of shoes and new lipstick, Stiles an old wooden tray made out of planks from an old sailing boat (Lydia said he had to replace the plastic tray his dad had served them tea on) a cashmere throw for the living room (Lydia had waved her hands and told him vaguely about adding ‘feminine touches’ to the ‘bachelor pad’ as she liked to call his house) and a grey cotton duvet cover (Lydia was so adamant about replacing his current Aqua Man one that she had bought it for him despite his rigorous protests).

She steered him into a small dainty independent coffee shop, and they sat in squidgy stuffed leather armchairs by the window. Stiles slumped down in his, exhausted from the morning but Lydia sat primly in hers, sipping her Earl Grey tea from a delicate cup with her pinkie finger out. 

They ordered an array of pastries and croissants to eat while they chatted. Lydia told him she was on a break with Jackson, and tossed her gorgeous strawberry blonde hair back fiercely as though she couldn’t care less, but Stiles could see the hurt in her eyes. However she then proceeded to tell him all of Jackson’s quirky traits that Stiles would never have suspected of the star lacrosse player (like the way he liked Lydia to file his nails if she was doing her own, the way he liked to have classical music on while they had sex, his addiction to kitten videos on youtube, and the fact he secretly did a zumba class every week).

“I had wanted to go, and I told him I wanted him to come with me, he refused of course but eventually gave in. Then after the class I told him I wasn’t going back because it was an inefficient form of cardio, and he was really disappointed! Then I found out three weeks later he was still going without me. You can see him practising the salsa when he thinks no-one is looking!”

Stiles barked out a laugh and accidentally spilled his coffee. He continued to chortle wiping his eyes, as he looked at Lydia. A small smile was tugging at her lips and her eyes were sparkling. 

After they had demolished the plate of pastries between them they paid and left. Stiles had been having so much fun with Lydia that he hadn’t noticed he’d eaten one apple danish, a cinnamon swirl and a pain-au-chocolate. For once he didn’t feel disgusted with himself and his weakness for eating. He just felt happy. He was relieved Lydia hadn’t tried to talk to him about the night before, Elliot, and what was going on. She had just cheered him up. It had been so long since he had properly laughed.   
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the really really long wait! I had exams and work and bleurgh :( however now I'm finished the next chapters should be coming soon. Thank you for sticking with it x

**Author's Note:**

> Later chapters will have themes of anorexia and depression so if that may be upsetting don't read. Otherwise I should be putting the next chapter up very soon, hope you like it so far!


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